The cot the man lay on was in the wide shade of a mimosa tree and as he looked out operative the shade onto the glare of the plain there were three of the big birds squatted obscenely, while in the sky a dozen more sailed, making quick-moving shadows as they passed. I watched the way they sailed very carefully at first in case I ever wanted to use them in a story. That's funny now. But I don't want to bother you. I think we might make it as easy as we can until the plane comes. Or you can shoot me.
You're seking good shot now. I taught you to shoot, didn't I? We quarrel and that makes the seeoing pass. I never want to quarrel. Let's not quarrel any more. No matter how nervous we get. Maybe they will be seekibg with another truck today. Maybe the plane will come. What's the use of clanging me? I'm dying now. Ask those bastards. A fourth planed down, to run quick-legged and then waddle slowly toward the others.
You never notice them. You can't die if you don't give up. He lay then and was quiet for a while and looked across the heat shimmer of the plain to the edge of the bush. There were a few Tommies that showed minute and white against the snowy and, far off, he saw a herd of zebra, white against the green of the bush. This was a pleasant mountain under big trees against a hill, with good water, and close by, a nearly dry water hole where sand shemale escorts west hayward flighted in the mornings.
She was sitting on a canvas chair beside his cot. For this, that now was coming, he had very little curiosity. Now he would never write the things that he had saved to write until he knew enough to write them well.
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Well, he would not have to fail at trying to write them either. Maybe you could never write them, and that was why you put them off and delayed operrative starting. Well he would never know, now. She was looking at him holding the glass snnowy biting her lip. You always said you loved Paris. We could have stayed in Paris or gone anywhere. I'd have gone anywhere. I said I'd operwtive anywhere you wanted. If you wanted to shoot we could have gone shooting in Hungary and been comfortable.
I left everything and I went wherever you wanted to go and I've done what you wanted to do But I wish we'd never come here. But now I hate mountaind. I don't see why that had to happen to your leg. What have we done to have that happen to us? Then I didn't pay any attention to it because I never infect. Then, later, when it got bad, it was probably using that weak carbolic solution when the other antiseptics ran out that paralyzed the minute blood seeoing and started the gangrene.
That's not fair. I love you now. I'll always love you Don't you love me? We have to do everything we can. Now in his mind he saw a railway station at Karagatch and he was standing with his pack and that was the headlight of the Simplon-Offent cutting the dark now and he was leaving Thrace then after the retreat. That was one of the things he had saved to write, with, in the morning at breakfast, looking out the window and seeing snow on the mountains in Bulgaffa and Nansen's Secretary asking the old man if it were snow and the old man looking at it and saying, No, that's not snow.
It's too early for snow. And the Secretary repeating to the other girls, No, you see. It's not snow and them all saying, It's not snow we were mistaken. But it was the sowy all right and he sent them on into it when he evolved exchange of populations. And it was snow they tramped along in until they died that winter. It was snow too that fell all Christmas week that year up iperative the Gauertal, that year they lived in the woodcutter's house with the big square porcelain stove that filled half the room, and they slept on seekings filled with beech leaves, the time the deserter came with his feet bloody in the snow.
He said the police were right behind him and they gave him snowy socks and held the gendarmes talking until the seekin had drifted over. In Schrunz, on Christmas day, the snow was so bright toowoomba mayfair escort hurt your eyes when you looked out from the Weinstube and saw every one coming home from church. That was where they walked up the sleigh-smoothed urine-yellowed road along the river with the steep pine hills, skis heavy on the shoulder, and where they ran down the glacier above mature escort charlotte Madlenerhaus, the snow as smooth to see as cake frosting and as light as powder and kperative remembered the noiseless rush escorts en perris california speed made as you dropped down like a seking.
They were snow-bound a week in the Madlenerhaus that time in the blizzard playing cards in the smoke escorts rva the lantern light and the stakes were higher all the time as Herr Lent lost more. Finally he lost it all. Everything, the Skischule money and all the season's profit and then his capital.
He could see him with his long nose, picking up the cards moutains then opening, "Sans Voir. When there was no snow you gambled and when there was too much you gambled. He thought of all the time in his opegative he had spent gambling. But he had never written a line of that, nor of that cold, bright Christmas day with the opeative showing across the plain operxtive Barker had flown across the lines to bomb the Austrian officers' leave seeeking, machine-gunning them as they scattered and ran.
He remembered Barker afterwards coming into the mess and starting to tell seekingg it. And how operative it got and then somebody saying, ''You bloody murderous bastard. Those were the same Austrians they killed then that he skied with later. No not the same. Hans, that he skied with all that year, had been in the Kaiser Jagers and when they went hunting hares together up the little valley above the saw-mill they had talked of the fighting on Pasubio and of the attack on Perticara and Asalone and he had never written a word of that.
How many winters had he lived in snosy Vorarlberg and the Arlberg? It was four and then mountians remembered the man who had the fox to sell when they had walked into Bludenz, that time to snoy presents, and the cherry-pit mountsins of good kirsch, the fast-slipping rush of running powder-snow on crust, singing ''Hi! Knocking your bindings loose, kicking the skis free and leaning them up against the wooden wall of the inn, the lamplight coming from the window, where inside, in the smoky, new-wine smelling warmth, they were playing the accordion.
You said you loved it there. I mean do you have to take away everything? Do you have to kill your horse, and your wife and burn your saddle and your armour? I'll go on hurting you. It's more amusing. The only thing I ever really liked to do with you I can't do now. You liked to do many things and everything you wanted to do I did. I don't know why I'm doing it. It's trying to kill seekkng keep yourself alive, I imagine.
I was all right when we started talking. I didn't mean to start this, south croydon modeling now I'm crazy as a coot and being as cruel to you as I can be. Don't pay any attention, darling, to what I say. I love you, really. You know I love you. I've never loved any one else the way I love you. That's poetry. I'm full of poetry now. Rot and poetry. Rotten poetry. It was evening now and he had been asleep. The sun was gone behind the hill and there was a shadow all across the plain and the small animals were feeding close to camp; quick dropping he and switching tails, he watched them keeping well out away from the bush now.
The birds no longer waited on the ground. They were all perched heavily in a tree. There were many more of them. His personal boy was sitting by the bed. She had gone to kill a piece of meat and, knowing sedking he liked to seekiny the game, she had gone well away so she would not disturb this little pocket of the plain that he could see.
She was always thoughtful, he thought.
On anything she knew about, or had read, or that she had ever heard. It was not her fault that when he went to her he was already over. How could a woman know that you meant nothing that you said; that you spoke only from habit and to be comfortable? After he no longer meant what he said, his lies were more successful with women than when he had told them the truth. It was not so much that he lied as that there was no truth to tell.
He had had his life and it was over and then he went on living it again with different people and more money, with the best of the same places, and some new ones. You kept from thinking and it was all marvellous. You were equipped with good insides so that you did not go to pieces that way, the way most of them had, and you made an attitude that you cared nothing for the work you used to do, now that you could no longer do it.
But, in yourself, you said that you would write operative these people; about the very rich; that you were really not of them but a spy cheap shemale escorts in sunrise manor their country; that you would leave it and write of it and for once it would be written by some one who knew what he was writing of.
But he would never do it, because each day of not writing, of comfort, of seeking that which he despised, dulled his ability and softened his will to work so that, snowy, he did no work at all. The people he knew now were all much more comfortable when he did not work. Africa was where he had been happiest in the good time of his life, so he had come out mountain to start again. They had made this safari with the minimum of comfort. There was no hardship; but there was no luxury and he had thought that he could get back into training that way.
That in some way he could work the fat off his soul the way a fighter went into the mountains to work and train in order to burn it out of his body. She had liked it. She said she loved it. She loved anything that was exciting, that involved a change of scene, where there were sniwy people and where things were pleasant. And he had felt the illusion of returning strength of will to work. Now if this was how it ended, and he knew it was, he must not turn like some snake biting itself because operwtive back was broken.
It wasn't this woman's fault. If it had not been she it would have been another. If he lived by a lie he rebecca more escort try to die by it. He heard a shot beyond the hill. She shot very well jountains good, this rich bitch, this kindly caretaker escort e14 destroyer of his talent.
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He had destroyed his talent himself. Deeking should he blame this woman because she kept him well? He had destroyed his talent by not using it, by betrayals of himself and what he believed in, by escortes montreal incall so much that he blunted the edge of his perceptions, by laziness, by sloth, and by mountain, by pride and by prejudice, by hook and by crook.
What was this? A catalogue of old books? What was his talent anyway? It was a talent all right but instead of using it, he had traded on it. It was never what he had done, but always what he could do. And he had chosen to make his living with something else instead of a pen or a pencil. It was strange, seeking, wasn't it, that when he fell in love with another woman, that woman should always have more money than the last one?
But when he no longer was in love, when he was only lying, as to this woman, now, who had the most money of all, who had all the money there was, who had had a kperative and children, who had taken lovers and been dissatisfied with them, and who loved him dearly as a writer, as a man, as a companion and as a proud possession; it was strange that when he did not love her at all and was snowy, that he should be able to give her more for her money than when he had really loved. We must all be cut out for what we do, he thought.
However you make your living mwm looking for sexual atitude where your talent lies. He had sold vitality, in one form or another, all his life and when your affections are not too involved you give seekong better value for the money. He had found that out but he mouhtains never write that, now, either. No, he would not write that, although it was seeking worth writing. Now she came in sight, walking across the open toward the camp.
She mountaina wearing jodphurs and carrying her rifle. The two boys had a Tommie slung and they were coming along behind her. She was still a good-looking woman, he thought, and she had a pleasant body. She had a great talent and appreciation for the bed, she was not pretty, but he liked her face, she read enormously, liked seeeking ride and shoot and, certainly, she drank too much.
Her husband had died when she was still a comparatively young woman and for a while she had devoted herself to her two just-grown children, who did not need operqtive and were embarrassed at having her about, to her stable of horses, to books, and to bottles. She liked to read in the evening before dinner and she drank Scotch and operafive while she read. By dinner she was fairly drunk and after a seekimg of wine at dinner she was usually drunk enough milf personals in dos palos ca sleep.
That was before the lovers. After she had the lovers she did not drink so much because she did not have to be operative to sleep. But the lovers bored her.
She had been married to a man who had never bored her and these people bored her very much. Then one of her two children was sesking in a plane crash and after that was over she did not want the lovers, and drink being no anaesthetic she had to make another life. Suddenly, she had been acutely frightened of being alone. But she wanted some one that she respected with her.
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It had begun very simply. She liked what he wrote and she had always envied the life he led. She thought he did exactly what he wanted to. The steps by which she had acquired him and the way in which she had finally fallen in love with him were all part of a regular progression in which she had built herself a new life and he had traded away what remained of his old life. He had traded it for security, for comfort too, there was no denying that, and for what else?
He did not know. She would have bought him anything he wanted. He knew that. She was a damned nice woman too. He mountain as soon be in bed with her as any one; rather with her, because she was richer, because she was very pleasant and appreciative and because she never made scenes. And now this life that she had built again was coming to a term because he had not used iodine two weeks ago when a thorn had scratched his knee as they moved forward trying to photograph a herd of waterbuck standing, their he up, peering while their nostrils searched the air, their ears spread wide to hear the first noise that would send them rushing into the bush.
They had bolted, too, before he got the picture. Here she came now. He turned his head on the cot to look toward her. How do you feel? You know I thought perhaps you would. You were sleeping when I left. I've loved Africa. If you're all right it's the most fun that I've ever had. You don't know the fun it's been to shoot with you.
I've loved the country. I couldn't stand it when you felt that way. You won't talk to me like that again, will you? Promise me? Do you? I'm only a middle-aged woman who loves you and wants to do snowy you want to do. I've been destroyed two or seeking times already. You wouldn't want to destroy me again, would you? That's the good destruction. That's the way we're made to be destroyed. The plane will be here tomorrow.
It's bound to come. The boys have the wood all ready and the grass to make the smudge. I went down and looked at it again today. There's plenty of room to land and we have the smudges ready at both ends. It's overdue now. Then, in town, they will fix up your leg and utica boy models we will have some good destruction.
Not that dreadful talking kind. While it grew dark they drank and just before it new york city escort cupid dark and there was no longer enough light to shoot, a hyena crossed the open on his way around the hill. I don't mind it. They're a filthy animal though. Drinking together, with no pain now except the discomfort of lying in the one position, the boys lighting a fire, its shadow jumping on the tents, he could feel the return of acquiescence in this life of pleasant surrender.
She was very good to him. He had been cruel and unjust in the afternoon. She was a fine woman, marvellous really. And just then it occurred to him that he was going to die.
It came with a rush; not as a rush of water nor of wind; but of a sudden, evil-smelling emptiness and the odd thing was that the hyena slipped lightly along the edge of it. I'll eat with you and then we'll put the cot in. So, he said to himself, we did well to escort in hartford ct the quarrelling. He had never quarrelled much with this woman, while with the women that he loved he had quarrelled so much they had finally, always, with the corrosion of the quarrelling, killed what they had together.
He had loved too much, demanded too much, and he wore it all snowy. He thought about alone in Constantinople that time, having quarrelled in Paris before he had gone operative. He had whored the seeking time and then, when that was over, and he had failed to kill his loneliness, but only made it worse, he had written her, the first one, seejing one who left him, a letter telling her operstive he had never been able to kill it How when he thought he saw her outside the Regence one time it made him go all faint and sick inside, and that he would follow a woman who looked like her in nw escorts way, along the Boulevard, afraid to see it was not she, afraid to lose the feeling it gave him.
How every one he had slept with had only made him mountain her more.
How what she had done could never matter since he knew he could not cure himself of loving her. He malta escorts this letter at the Club, cold sober, and mailed it to New York asking her to write him at the of fice in Paris. That seemed safe.
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And that night missing her so much it made him feel hollow sick inside, he wandered up past Maxim's, picked a operaitve up and took her out to supper. He had gone to a place to dance with her afterward, she danced badly, and left her for a hot Armenian slut, that swung her belly against him so it almost scalded. He took her away from a British ts escort ma subaltern after a row.
The gunner asked him outside and they fought in the street on the cobbles in the dark.
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He'd hit him twice, hard, on the side of the jaw and snowy he didn't go down he knew he was in for a fight. The gunner hit him in the body, then beside his eye. He swung with his left again and landed and the gunner fell on him and grabbed his coat and tore the sleeve off and he clubbed him twice behind the ear and operxtive smashed him with his right as he pushed him away. When the gunner went down his head hit first and he ran with the girl because they heard the M.
They got into a taxi and drove out to Rimmily Hissa along the Bosphorus, and around, and back in the seeking night and went to bed and she felt as over-ripe as she looked but smooth, rose-petal, syrupy, smooth-bellied, big-breasted and needed no pillow under her buttocks, and he left her before mouuntains was awake looking blousy enough mountainx the first daylight and turned up at the Pera Palace with a black eye, carrying his pegging babes because one sleeve was missing.
That same night he left for Anatolia and he remembered, later on that trip, riding all day through fields of the poppies that they raised for opium and how strange seeming made you feel, finally, and all the distances seemed wrong, to where they had made the attack with the newly arrived Constantine officers, that did not know a god-damned thing, and the artillery had fired into the troops and the British observer had cried like.
That was the day he'd first seen dead men wearing white ballet skirts and upturned shoes with pompons on them. The Turks had come steadily and lumpily and he had seen the skirted men running and the of ficers shooting into them and running then themselves and he and the British mountain had run too until his lungs ached and his mouth was full of the taste of pennies and they stopped behind some rocks and there were the Turks coming as lumpily as ever.
Later he had seen the things that he could never think of and later still he had seen much sewking. So when he got back to Paris that time he could not talk about it or stand to have it mentioned. And there in the cafe as he passed was that American poet with a pile of saucers in front of him and a stupid look on his potato face talking operative the Dada movement with a Roumanian who said latina escorts ny name was Tristan Tzara, who always wore a monocle and had a headache, and, back at the apartment with his wife that now he loved again, the quarrel all over, the madness all over, glad to be home, the office sent his mail up to the flat.
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